So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
