Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My vagina is very pro this idea
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
