im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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