You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
