I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
cat food counts as protein by the way
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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