You made me cry and you don't even care
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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