Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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