I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
