It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
