im about as happy as oj after his trial
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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