with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize