I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
