We're like a lot better than the average bears
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
