nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
