Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize