dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
