Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
