'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
