I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
operation have a gay friend backfired
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
