Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
