Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
