so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
