Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
