Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
