is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
