Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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