Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
