; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
