Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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