I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
where am i from again
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
