At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
