She announced her abortion via fbk
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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