That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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