just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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