I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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