i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
