Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
