butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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