youre lurking in front of me
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
