I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
