i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
