margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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