For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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