once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
