I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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