evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
