I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
