I heard we made out
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just made my gag reflex go away.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
