Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
