It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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