Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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