She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
