last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
