he told me I talked like a deaf person
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
