i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
