you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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