You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
