I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We were destined to go to rehab together
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
