i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
