Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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