so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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