They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
