drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
