I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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