So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
