how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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