She's JV to your varsity
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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