What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
