So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
