i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
