My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
All I want is dick and wine.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
