We won't sleep together?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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