we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
