and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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