Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
