I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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