how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
